electronic mail: Put my last name (and just the last name) in front of @gmail.com. I haven't figured out exactly how to not get tossed into junkmail, but I've had good results when people use the words "unctuous" and "rubber" in the same sentence.
"face" book: My little brother helped me sign up with Facebook on the internet.
If you can't open the page, it's because I'm not cool enough to be your friend. But give me a chance!